hurt

i hurt myself today
to see if i still feel
i focus on the pain
the only thing thats real

the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything

what have i become
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end

and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt

i wear this crown of thorns
upon my liars chair
full of broken thoughts
i cannot repair

beneath the stains of time
the feelings dissapear
i am someone else
i am still right here

what have I become
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end

and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt

if I could start again
a million miles away
i will keep myself
i would find a way

an afternoon on clap road

bright sunshine
hotter than hell
long straight road ahead
but lonely
pretty green trees
with green outstretched branches
like arms and fingers
reaching out to grab
and hold on to
like so many before

ominous implications

"When you thought about it, the earth was only a speck of dust revolving around a fourth-rate star, somewhere in infinity. And covering this speck of dust were micro-organisms known as men. And these infinitely tiny micro-organisms spilt into clusters, dividing into tiny cells, and then subdividing, each a different color or race or tribe or community, each inventing a different God, each claiming that its God was the only true God, the members of each cluster on this ridiculous speck of dust claiming that they and only they, worshipped the true God, only they had contact with Him way out somewhere in outer space. Where, they were not sure, but for lack of a better name, they called it heaven.

Of course, it was absurd for these sub micro-organisms called humans to make this claim. It was incredible arrogance to believe that even if God existed, He would give any notice to these tiny mites crawling over this particular grain of sand drifiting through space. It was easy for His divine eye to miss them altogether. But it was the old story. You need a God, so you invented one. And inventing one, you believed it. And if you believed it hard enough, it was true."

- taken from "The Cult" Max Ehrlich

eminence front

the sun shines
people forget
the spray flies as the speedboat glides
people forget
forget they're hiding
the girls smile
people forget
the snow packs as the skier tracks
people forget
forget they're hiding.

behind an eminence front
it's a put-on

come and join the party
dress to kill
won't you come and join the party
dress to kill.

the drinks flow
people forget
that big wheel spins, the hair thins
people forget
forget they're hiding
the news slows
people forget
the shares crash, hopes are dashed
people forget
forget they're hiding.

behind an eminence front
it's a put-on

come and join the party
dress to kill

dress yourself to kill.

- "Eminence Front" The Who

dear Daphne

"Princess
i long to be in your arms
i miss you greatly
but don't wet your prom dress yet.

i'ma comin!

but not before you.
not before my tongue slathers your folds.
not before i taste your breath.
not before i kiss you and whisper sweet nothings in your ear.
not before i tell you i love you.

i'll be by your side soon
to kiss you in the rain."

Dylan smiled.

"send."

bone-shattering reflection in the mirror

what does it take for an insane man to be sane again? ask anyone with a medical background and you would most likely get a lecture on how chemical reactions take place in the brain and how they affect the way we feel, think and react to our environment. a man is said to be mentally ill, they will tell you, when things go haywire within his brain. they would also tell you that such a condition can be treated with psychotherapy and the use of powerful psychotropic drugs that are used to control/limit brain activity of mentally ill patients.

what does it take for a sane man to go insane? what causes the chemical reactions in his brain to go haywire? i wonder if richard marx knew that his words 'my sanity hangs by a thread...' actually describe the mental state of a lot of people. it is entirely possible for anyone to lose his/her mind at anytime. as much as death is a certain possibility. the human brain is so powerful yet so very delicate. a nasty change in the environment could trigger insanity in anyone. anyone at all. regardless of race, sex, age and position in society. insanity, like death, chooses its victims without prejudice nor preference.

on another note, we regard those who we think are mentally ill with immense prejudice and minimal preference. terms such as 'mental' and 'psycho' are so loosely thrown around. thanks to Hollywood, we have been further scared into building the perception that mental disease is dangerous, and even more dangerous is the sufferer. we do not pay attention when we see people talking to themselves on the streets because we do not care. and because we are afraid. perhaps, we are afraid that such a disease might be contagious. perhaps, we are afraid of being attacked by them. perhaps, we are afraid that if we rub shoulders with them, we might become like them.

but we are like them. and they are like us.

they are just as capable of intelligent thought and deduction as anyone, sick or not. they have dreams. they have emotions. so they talk to thin air. or do they really? what if mental disease is not really a disease, but another state of mind where vision, thought and sense are just...different? being different has always meant that you were at the receiving end of society's prejudice. they might see things that we do not. they might understand things in ways we do not.

so what really is insanity? how does one know when the line is crossed? how do you know your thoughts and/or actions do not resemble that of someone who has "lost her mind"?

mindless fun

run.
on an open field.
wide and far.
run.
and run.
run.
run.

run till you can't run anymore.
run till your knees give way.
till you collapse with a smile.