spin spin sugar

Dylan eased the craft onto the tarmac.
smooth as silk.
checked the levels.
camber, hydraulics, thrusters.
and juice.
he eased it forward.
speed steadily rising.
Daphne giggled with glee as she watched his hands move over the controls.

"you ready?"
"already!"

the leap forward was unbelievable.
nanotech at its best.
he knew what he was doing.
excellent timing.
deceleration, curves, hairpins.
at the last turn, sideways as he braked.
gentle halt.
panting.
rapid heartbeats in spite of the safe surroundings of the interior.

"another spin?"
"do you?"

meaning "you bet!"
Dylan smiled. that's my Daphne.

my goddess

i want you
i don't just want you
i want you

i don't think you understand

i want you as much as the world needs calm
i want you as much as heaven lacks harm

as the feet long for one more mile
as the chest hurts for one more breath
as envy tastes oh so vile
as to abandon you would mean my death

i want you for pleasure and for pain
i want you like chocolates and cocaine

an obsession this is not
an addict i am not
but to you i am drawn
without choice, reason long gone

i will you to understand
and you must comprehend
there is nothing i can do
give me the world...but i'll just want you

beauty anywhere

i sat at the back in church this morning.
there was a little girl who sat in the pew in front of me.
little girl of about two and a half feet tall.
pink dress with matching pink and white shoes.
pitch black curly hair that curled around her ears.
eyelashes that curl upwards adorned her smiling black blue eyes.

such a happy kid.
smiling and laughing to herself.
i wasn't so sure what she found so amazing in that place.
but we can only guess what a child perceives.
aunties around her turned and smiled.
nobody was disturbed by her pleasant noise.
she could have reminded them of their own childhood.
times when they wore pretty dresses and shoes.
when they laughed when no one did.
when they made others smile.

her mother kept looking round to see what she was up to.
she hushed her when her laughs went over the acceptable decibel limit.

poets unite!

i attended a performance poetry workshop. it was truly the best 8 hours i have ever spent on anything. it was jointly organised by the British Council and Project OMG. the workshop was conducted by UK poet Malika Booker, a funky little goddess with Caribbean descent. she is a very animated character who took her job very seriously. her spirit and energy somehow reminded me of Antares. i suddenly missed Uncle Ant.

i really did not know what to expect from the workshop and in the first half hour or so i was really intimidated. the workshop was attended mostly by people who had had experience in writing and performance arts. some even had extensive writing credits. most of what i write end up in the wastepaper basket. eeep.

performance poetry, as i learned, is slightly different than poetry on print. the first part of the workshop focused on how to analyse poetry by dissecting poems according to its structure (e.g. the memory, the moment, the epiphany, etc.). then we were given the chance to free-write, where Malika played us some inspirational music and told us, "I wanna see your pen move and never stop until i say so!". so when the music played, we just wrote down anything that occupied our minds at that moment. things like grammar, spelling and relevance did not have to matter. after that we were told to pick out thoughts and ideas and to identify the memory, the moment, the epiphany, etc. then we proceeded to pen all that down into a crafted poem.

the next part of the workshop revolved around how to perform the poems we wrote. now, when it comes to performance poetry, there are other elements that are involved in a poem's presentation. it is no longer printed on paper. it has to be delivered on stage with voice, intonation, motion, etc. that is why it is not just a recital, but a performance. Malika actually turned us all into performers within just a couple of hours. she knew exactly what she was doing.

it was the first time i had ever presented my writing. my feet turned into jello and i was holding on to the mic stand to keep from collapsing. as i read my words, i could feel their eyes fixated on me. and when i finished i actually received an applause. whoo!

it was truly a good start to my weekend. intensely productive.

i had my Goddess to thank for a day well spent.

perfectly natural. undeniably inevitable.

"The emergence of AIDS, Ebola and any number of other rain-forest agents (viruses) appears to be a natural consequence of the ruin of the tropical biosphere.

The emerging viruses are surfacing from ecologically damaged parts of the earth. Many of them come from the tattered edges of tropical rain forest, or they come from tropical savanna that is being settled rapidly by people. The tropical rain forests are the deep reservoirs of life on the planet, containing most of the world's plant and animal species. The rain forests are also its largest reservoirs of viruses, since all living things carry viruses. When they come out of an ecosystem, they tend to spread in waves through the human population, like echoes from the dying biosphere.

In a sense, the earth is mounting an immune response against the human species. It is beginning to react to the human parasite, the flooding infection of people, the dead spots of concrete all over the planet, the cancerous rot outs in Europe, Japan, and the United States, thick with replicating primates, the colonies enlarging and spreading and threatening to shock the biosphere with mass extinctions. Perhaps the biosphere does not 'like' the idea of five million humans. Or it could also be said that the extreme amplification of the human race, which has occured in the past hundred years or so, has suddenly produced a very large quantity of meat, which is sitting everywhere in the biosphere and may not be able to defend itself against a life form that might want to consume it.

Nature has interesting ways of balancing itself. The rain forest has its own defences. The earth's immune system, so to speak, is seeing the presence of the human species and is starting to kick in. The earth is attempting to rid itself of an infection by the human parasite. Perhaps AIDS is the first step in a natural process of clearance.

I begin to wonder, with a sense of foreboding, if AIDS might not be the end but only the beginning. I suspect that AIDS is not an accident or an isolated occurence but a step in a natural process that does not look friendly to my species, and that AIDS might not be Nature's pre-eminent display of power. Whether the human race can actually maintain a population of five million or more without a crash with a hot virus remains an open question. Unanswered. The answer lies hidden in the labyrinth of tropical ecosystems. AIDS is the revenge of the rain forest. It is only the first act of the revenge."

taken from "The Hot Zone" by Richard Preston

wishful thinking

charges.
declines.
withdrawals.
and fucking procedures.

my job?
wishful thinking.

and that's how it works

i found this in my wastepaper basket as i walked in this morn:

the intertwining threads of thought
amplified by words
and made real by deed...

gives birth to reality.

don't you think?

furry black handcuffs

it is the hunger.
and the need to feed.
and the anticipation.
and of course
the yearn.
for it to never end.

ever.

only human

satan and christ are smoking a joint, sharing life experiences. satan describes the many fights he had been in. how he learnt that not only could he survive one-on-ones, but that he could still stand after he made a few goons eligible to be wheeled into the ER.

christ takes a long drag.

"the only fights i've been in were karate tournaments. with headgear and all. i figured i could beat a guy up proper. only legally."

pet

don't fret precious i'm here
step away from the window
and go back to sleep

lay your head down child
i won't let the boogeymen come
count their bodies like sheep
to the rhythm of the war drums
pay no mind to the rabble
pay no mind to the rabble
head down, go to sleep
to the rhythm of the war drums

pay no mind what other voices say
they don't care about you
like i do
safe from pain
and truth
and choice
and other poison devils

see
they don't give a fuck about you
like I do.

just stay with me
safe and ignorant
go
back to sleep
go
back to sleep

lay your head down child
i won't let the boogeymen come
count their bodies like sheep
to the rhythm of the war drums

pay no mind to the rabble
pay no mind to the rabble

head down, go to sleep
to the rhythm of the war drums

i'll be the one to protect you from
your enemies and all your demons
i'll be the one to protect you from
a will to survive and a voice of reason
i'll be the one to protect you from
your enemies and your choices son
they're one and the same

i must isolate you
isolate and save you from yourself

swayin' to the rhythm of the new world order and
counting bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums

the boogeymen are coming
the boogeymen are coming

keep your head down, go to sleep
to the rhythm of the war drums

stay with me
safe and ignorant
just stay with me

i'll hold you and protect you from the other ones
the evil ones
don't love you son
go back to sleep.

- "Pet" A Perfect Circle

rapid and painless

i saw it coming.
i saw the rain.
i watched the torrents.
the wind drew patterns on the road.
elaborate.
random.
rapid.
levels rising against sidewalks.
with full awareness, i decided to walk.
despite the hole on my right sole.
it took seconds.
the streets became alive.
under gloomy skies.
footsteps.
laughter.
umbrellas.
raincoats.
jokes.
smokes.
gloves.
darker skies.
quick hands.
quicker feet.
eyes see in the dark.
silent.
swift.
painless.
the drop.
head lands first.
blood mingles with streetwater.
creating scarlet pools.
knife?
gone.
before the drop.

slow burning

a relationship is very much like a joint.

here's why.

before you light it
you admire the perfected art involved in its making.
the perfect cone.
comfortable size.

after it is lit
you go through a series of fluctuations.
emotional.
spiritual.
physical.

when it is done
you don't look at its ugly state and frown.
you see beyond its brown, burnt butt.

instead
a huge amount of gratitude is due.
the experience is undeniable.
beautifully forthcoming.
natural.
sincere.

above all
its euphoria cannot be denied.
its afterglow we bask in.

and sometimes
we go back for more.

en-couragement

listen
to what they say
all that rings true in the end

awaken
in me
the intentions that they don't see

spoken
tonight
it's something i cannot fight

forsaken
inside
i know my thoughts i must not hide

broken
eternally
i am hopeful yet i am free

forbidden
enthroned
the feathers wave and i'm alone

hurt

i hurt myself today
to see if i still feel
i focus on the pain
the only thing thats real

the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything

what have i become
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end

and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt

i wear this crown of thorns
upon my liars chair
full of broken thoughts
i cannot repair

beneath the stains of time
the feelings dissapear
i am someone else
i am still right here

what have I become
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end

and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt

if I could start again
a million miles away
i will keep myself
i would find a way

an afternoon on clap road

bright sunshine
hotter than hell
long straight road ahead
but lonely
pretty green trees
with green outstretched branches
like arms and fingers
reaching out to grab
and hold on to
like so many before

ominous implications

"When you thought about it, the earth was only a speck of dust revolving around a fourth-rate star, somewhere in infinity. And covering this speck of dust were micro-organisms known as men. And these infinitely tiny micro-organisms spilt into clusters, dividing into tiny cells, and then subdividing, each a different color or race or tribe or community, each inventing a different God, each claiming that its God was the only true God, the members of each cluster on this ridiculous speck of dust claiming that they and only they, worshipped the true God, only they had contact with Him way out somewhere in outer space. Where, they were not sure, but for lack of a better name, they called it heaven.

Of course, it was absurd for these sub micro-organisms called humans to make this claim. It was incredible arrogance to believe that even if God existed, He would give any notice to these tiny mites crawling over this particular grain of sand drifiting through space. It was easy for His divine eye to miss them altogether. But it was the old story. You need a God, so you invented one. And inventing one, you believed it. And if you believed it hard enough, it was true."

- taken from "The Cult" Max Ehrlich

eminence front

the sun shines
people forget
the spray flies as the speedboat glides
people forget
forget they're hiding
the girls smile
people forget
the snow packs as the skier tracks
people forget
forget they're hiding.

behind an eminence front
it's a put-on

come and join the party
dress to kill
won't you come and join the party
dress to kill.

the drinks flow
people forget
that big wheel spins, the hair thins
people forget
forget they're hiding
the news slows
people forget
the shares crash, hopes are dashed
people forget
forget they're hiding.

behind an eminence front
it's a put-on

come and join the party
dress to kill

dress yourself to kill.

- "Eminence Front" The Who

dear Daphne

"Princess
i long to be in your arms
i miss you greatly
but don't wet your prom dress yet.

i'ma comin!

but not before you.
not before my tongue slathers your folds.
not before i taste your breath.
not before i kiss you and whisper sweet nothings in your ear.
not before i tell you i love you.

i'll be by your side soon
to kiss you in the rain."

Dylan smiled.

"send."

bone-shattering reflection in the mirror

what does it take for an insane man to be sane again? ask anyone with a medical background and you would most likely get a lecture on how chemical reactions take place in the brain and how they affect the way we feel, think and react to our environment. a man is said to be mentally ill, they will tell you, when things go haywire within his brain. they would also tell you that such a condition can be treated with psychotherapy and the use of powerful psychotropic drugs that are used to control/limit brain activity of mentally ill patients.

what does it take for a sane man to go insane? what causes the chemical reactions in his brain to go haywire? i wonder if richard marx knew that his words 'my sanity hangs by a thread...' actually describe the mental state of a lot of people. it is entirely possible for anyone to lose his/her mind at anytime. as much as death is a certain possibility. the human brain is so powerful yet so very delicate. a nasty change in the environment could trigger insanity in anyone. anyone at all. regardless of race, sex, age and position in society. insanity, like death, chooses its victims without prejudice nor preference.

on another note, we regard those who we think are mentally ill with immense prejudice and minimal preference. terms such as 'mental' and 'psycho' are so loosely thrown around. thanks to Hollywood, we have been further scared into building the perception that mental disease is dangerous, and even more dangerous is the sufferer. we do not pay attention when we see people talking to themselves on the streets because we do not care. and because we are afraid. perhaps, we are afraid that such a disease might be contagious. perhaps, we are afraid of being attacked by them. perhaps, we are afraid that if we rub shoulders with them, we might become like them.

but we are like them. and they are like us.

they are just as capable of intelligent thought and deduction as anyone, sick or not. they have dreams. they have emotions. so they talk to thin air. or do they really? what if mental disease is not really a disease, but another state of mind where vision, thought and sense are just...different? being different has always meant that you were at the receiving end of society's prejudice. they might see things that we do not. they might understand things in ways we do not.

so what really is insanity? how does one know when the line is crossed? how do you know your thoughts and/or actions do not resemble that of someone who has "lost her mind"?

mindless fun

run.
on an open field.
wide and far.
run.
and run.
run.
run.

run till you can't run anymore.
run till your knees give way.
till you collapse with a smile.

the simple prayer of a tinman

staring at skin.
black hair in disarray.
they move in rhythm.
they sway.
like palm trees on the plains of Golgotha.
tearing as they bleed.
swollen with identity.
throbbing.
corrupt puss oozes.
propaganda!
monopolise..!
revolt...!!
passionate screams
now pained whimpers.
till they become.
just black hairs on skin.
unsuspecting.
hazardously silent.
they remain.

i'm here with you

"i'm SO ANGRY!"

Daphne plucks the grass at a ferocious pace.

"angry like a 15 year-old with acne. but it pains me so much to see them hurt. because they can't understand. and i don't know how to let anyone understand."

Dylan nods as he puts his arm around her shoulders.

"it's so absurd."

"they wanna know what's going on with you," he suggests. "they wanna know their daughter."

"i don't know myself."

"that's what is hard for them to comprehend."

"my intense, wild thoughts. i just need to get them out without killing anything."

she stops plucking the grass now.

he drops a kiss on her forehead.

"there's a lot going on behind the wall of your cranium."

"and i poison everyone around me with it."

"not me, " Dylan smiles," i'm just here with you."

wonder no more

i just want to get away
far from everyday
the bullets speak for themselves
and the pain? who can say

wonder no more
there has got to be
someone who knows

vast meadows and sunshine
little girls' laugh and whine
birds chirp as they fly by
the image is alone, sublime

a million whys
them huge bloodshot eyes
pulverising thoughts
amidst hair-raising cries

demolition now a norm
evil grins and ruthless porn
we remain in the caves
all graceful yet forlorn

wonder no more
there has got to be
someone who knows

easy ride

coda queen now be my bride
rage in darkness by my side
seize the summer in your pride
take the winter in your stride
let's ride
- "Easy Ride" The Doors

no one here gets out alive

...no one indeed...

small talk

"hey dude, how're you doin'?"

"do you really want to know, or are you just asking?"

"erm..."

"because if you really want to know, i can start to describe to you how fucked up i am. but if you are just asking, then i can lie to you and say i am alright."

"well..."

"i hate lying but i don't feel like telling you the truth either."

"see you around, dude."

"yeah"

i should have known that i could

"i should have known that since day one
stood on a balcony with my goddess"
thought Dylan, closing his eyes.
below the lit sky.
amidst dark tall buildings.
screams and shouts of people having fun below.

it all reminded dylan of a perfect setting
for a batman movie.

he smiles.
he shifts his smiling head slightly.

"i would want to place her in a beautiful glass tank
just so i can keep her perfectly preserved."

"forever"

"and i could."

tribute

this is a tribute to the Chief

spui

crumbling pavement
have i made friends
instructional guide
make love and make amends

one two three
i'll see you on the tree
don't look back now
it's the greatest you'll ever see

i need a blanket
warm and soft
free from thorns and thicket

this sanctuary
is my cell
my six by nine
everything happens here
everything i want
they come and they go
colors they bring
will never escape my synapses

oh the clamour of the crowd
gives way to the grinding mechanisms
enormous clockwork that work beneath
turning and chugging
fueled by blood and oil
sweat and tears
fast foward
taste the champagne
smell the stench
of formidable and rampant sex
the parties and fellowships
numbers and decisions
dive deeper
and drop into the muddy pool
...of world domination...

she's special

dylan climbed into his seat. flicks on a switch and Hendrix flows in. humming along, he punches the necessary keys to log in. the vessel lights up.
"good morning, sunshine!"
"hee!"
as the ship's vital readings flash across the screen, dylan frowns. 30.1 units heavier?
"you're early, kid...and you smell good"
"don't i always?"
incidently, dylan knows of only one other Child who weighs that odd much. and she always arrives at least an hour later.
"what's shaking?"
"what's not?"
she's daphne. and she's special.

billions of blistering blue barnacles

blitzed. in class.
my sneezing friend complains. he leaves. he returns.
alain enters. presentations, anyone?

anyway...
i'm in weird state of being. right now.
not unfamiliar.
a different shade, though.

the hunger of knowledge makes me.
and it breaks me.

sneezing friend talks to quiet hottie.
(she's not so quiet now, apparently)

i want to know everything.
everything.
everything.

sneezing friend regrets living over 20
before he had the balls to graduate.
i hear him.
i'm stuck.
i'm about to graduate with not enough skills to earn a decent income.

the mumbling continues...

i am here

dylan stood at the center of the clearing, drinking in the sunrays.
head tilted back, arms stretched out.
"excuse me while i kiss the sky!"
"hee!"
i am here.