Lord make me an instrument of your peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is doubt, faith. Where there is despair, hope. Where there is darkness, light. And where there is sadness, joy. Grant that i may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; to be understood, as to understand, to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive- it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, it is in dying that we are born to eternal life
-- Francis of Assisi
...and i thought i knew God and how the world works...
extract from the mind & spirit vaults of Erowid
when all else fails, rely on your merkabah. everything happens in perfect accordance to the Plan. so fear not and do not be discouraged. enjoy the ride. experience the experience. we are hand-in-hand in this journey. none of you are alone. thank you for dropping by. cup of tea?
June 29, 2005
God Is Not on My Side. Or Yours.
The air-cond in the cockpit seemed to be working fine. Yet, beads of sweat trickled down his brow. His eyes are fixated on the view in front of him. His hands gripping the controls with anxious determination. He leans forward against the controls and just before the nose crashes through the windows he shouts, " Allahu Akbar!"
He adjusts shirt and tie before stepping out to meet the camera flashes and the rain of questions. Asked about his thoughts on recent events, he starts describing how devastated he was when he watched the first plane crash through the tower. "This is a war and we are under attack." He looks directly at the camera and adds, "If you're not with us, you're with the terrorists." Just before he waves to the blinding flashes he says, "God bless America."
One eye squeezed shut. The other looks sharply into the scope. He places the crosshair right between the Iraqi's eyes. He grips the rifle tighter as his finger touches the trigger. He whispers, "Let not my Strength fail me. Let not my enemies mock me." He squeezes the trigger.
Hitler simply asked, "Who says that I am not under special protection of God?"
How does God choose whose side to be on? Or does he even bother?
Whose prayers does he choose to listen to? Why?
God herself has said, "Your will is My Will."
Then we complain that God was never on our side.
He adjusts shirt and tie before stepping out to meet the camera flashes and the rain of questions. Asked about his thoughts on recent events, he starts describing how devastated he was when he watched the first plane crash through the tower. "This is a war and we are under attack." He looks directly at the camera and adds, "If you're not with us, you're with the terrorists." Just before he waves to the blinding flashes he says, "God bless America."
One eye squeezed shut. The other looks sharply into the scope. He places the crosshair right between the Iraqi's eyes. He grips the rifle tighter as his finger touches the trigger. He whispers, "Let not my Strength fail me. Let not my enemies mock me." He squeezes the trigger.
Hitler simply asked, "Who says that I am not under special protection of God?"
How does God choose whose side to be on? Or does he even bother?
Whose prayers does he choose to listen to? Why?
God herself has said, "Your will is My Will."
Then we complain that God was never on our side.
June 20, 2005
between time, parallel universes and a joint
what is time?
we have been taught since young that time is a horizontal element. picture a horizontal timeline, with many incidents that mark our yesterdays, today and tomorrows, marked onto that timeline. what happened in our yester years are called history, and what happends ahead are called future.
now, imagine time to be a vertical element. that same timeline is now turned to be a vertical line. every incident are lined up together on a single straight line. that single line is an eternal moment. the everlasting moment of NOW. there are no yesterdays, today and tomorrows. everything is taking place in a single moment. right now.
picture an application of this concept of time. dreams are an excellent example. many say that there several explainations of what dreams are, and what they represent. based on these, a dream could be the projection of the conscious/subconscious mind. you have an exam that you are nervous about, and you have a nightmare about doing badly. another says that your soul travels through time when you sleep. thus, what it experiences during the travels are projected to you as a dream. that dream could be about a certain memory, about a death of loved on who has not passed yet, about past or future events. when you sleep, your soul hops from one "incident" to another on the straight vertical timeline.
even though these explainations do not dispute one another, they do not compliment each other either. here's another one. when the body is asleep, the soul travels to a parallel universe/reality. what it sees there is projected as a dream. you exist in that parallel universe but probably in a different environment. different time, different circumstances.
based on this, dreams could be what happens to us in a different universe. that universe could be in a different condition. it could be running ahead of our time. thus, we see the possible future. it could be running behind our time. thus, we see the possible past.it could be even running under totally different circumstances. thus, when you dream that you are going to do badly in the exam, you might not really do so. it could have happened to you in a different universe.
it's good to be with mary's blessed company...
we have been taught since young that time is a horizontal element. picture a horizontal timeline, with many incidents that mark our yesterdays, today and tomorrows, marked onto that timeline. what happened in our yester years are called history, and what happends ahead are called future.
now, imagine time to be a vertical element. that same timeline is now turned to be a vertical line. every incident are lined up together on a single straight line. that single line is an eternal moment. the everlasting moment of NOW. there are no yesterdays, today and tomorrows. everything is taking place in a single moment. right now.
picture an application of this concept of time. dreams are an excellent example. many say that there several explainations of what dreams are, and what they represent. based on these, a dream could be the projection of the conscious/subconscious mind. you have an exam that you are nervous about, and you have a nightmare about doing badly. another says that your soul travels through time when you sleep. thus, what it experiences during the travels are projected to you as a dream. that dream could be about a certain memory, about a death of loved on who has not passed yet, about past or future events. when you sleep, your soul hops from one "incident" to another on the straight vertical timeline.
even though these explainations do not dispute one another, they do not compliment each other either. here's another one. when the body is asleep, the soul travels to a parallel universe/reality. what it sees there is projected as a dream. you exist in that parallel universe but probably in a different environment. different time, different circumstances.
based on this, dreams could be what happens to us in a different universe. that universe could be in a different condition. it could be running ahead of our time. thus, we see the possible future. it could be running behind our time. thus, we see the possible past.it could be even running under totally different circumstances. thus, when you dream that you are going to do badly in the exam, you might not really do so. it could have happened to you in a different universe.
it's good to be with mary's blessed company...
June 16, 2005
the unpredictable events of my yesterdays
God is a profound playwright. she has written the way my experience unfolds such magnificence that is just utterly remarkable.
had a great weekend with him and now the 3rd day into the week i'm missing his company. not just mary, but his wisecracks and his energy. at noon yesterday, he calls me. says he's coming over. 2 hrs in, i was leveled. i lit a cigarette. time was moving so slow. he says, "dude, that's a cigarette not a clit..."
for the first time, my room was filled with my closest friends in campus. satan, burnout, tc, shaman, jo, fabs...they were all here. burnout was impressed with my mobile pc. satan was singing along to dream theater. fabs was out cold, as usual. it's like there's an auto-shutdown mechanism built into him that activates the moment he lies down on my bed. it was a good time. the calm before the storm.
in the morning, while i was in the shower i thought of her and how nice it would be to see her again. nah, she must be too busy with her final project and all. later in the evening as i was walking back to my block, she passes by in her ride and asks me if i would join her to attend the talentnite show. had a great time. the good talents were good and the bad were outrageously horrendous. they're not bad bad, but they probably have talents in other areas. whatever. she looked stunning and delicious, as always.
later, i retired to my room. decided to have bread and tuna for dinner. watched elektra. reflected a while later. my own auto-shutdown kicked in as i lay down.
now, awake and in need of a shave, i stare at the screen. i have a test at 2 later. last-minute preparations? you bet.
God is a profound playwright...
had a great weekend with him and now the 3rd day into the week i'm missing his company. not just mary, but his wisecracks and his energy. at noon yesterday, he calls me. says he's coming over. 2 hrs in, i was leveled. i lit a cigarette. time was moving so slow. he says, "dude, that's a cigarette not a clit..."
for the first time, my room was filled with my closest friends in campus. satan, burnout, tc, shaman, jo, fabs...they were all here. burnout was impressed with my mobile pc. satan was singing along to dream theater. fabs was out cold, as usual. it's like there's an auto-shutdown mechanism built into him that activates the moment he lies down on my bed. it was a good time. the calm before the storm.
in the morning, while i was in the shower i thought of her and how nice it would be to see her again. nah, she must be too busy with her final project and all. later in the evening as i was walking back to my block, she passes by in her ride and asks me if i would join her to attend the talentnite show. had a great time. the good talents were good and the bad were outrageously horrendous. they're not bad bad, but they probably have talents in other areas. whatever. she looked stunning and delicious, as always.
later, i retired to my room. decided to have bread and tuna for dinner. watched elektra. reflected a while later. my own auto-shutdown kicked in as i lay down.
now, awake and in need of a shave, i stare at the screen. i have a test at 2 later. last-minute preparations? you bet.
God is a profound playwright...
June 12, 2005
the veils...
i found this in my inbox today...and it comes in right after watching the animatrix...
Slavery and the Eight Veils
by Don Harkins
Slavery and the Eight Veils
by Don Harkins
Over the last several years I have evolved and discarded several
theories in an attempt to explain why it is that most people cannot see
truth -- even when it smacks them in the face. Those of us who can see
"the conspiracy" have participated in countless conversations amongst
ourselves that address the frustration of most peoples' inability to
comprehend the extremely well-documented arguments which we use to
describe the process of our collective enslavement and exploitation. The
most common explanation to be arrived at is that most people just "don't
want to see" what is really going on.
Extremely evil men and women who make up the world's power-elite have
cleverly cultivated a virtual pasture so grass green that few people
seldom, if ever, bother to look up from where they are grazing long
enough to notice the brightly colored tags stapled to their ears.
The same people who cannot see their enslavement for the pasture grass
have a tendency to view as insane "conspiracy theorists" those of us who
can see the past the farm and into the parlor of his feudal lordship's
castle.
Finally, I understand why. It's not that those who don't see that their
freedom is vanishing under the leadership of the power-elite "don't want
to see it" -- they simply can't see what is happening to them because of
the unpierced veils that block their view.
All human endeavors are a filtration process. Sports is one of the best
examples. We play specific sports until we get kicked off the
playground. The pro athletes we pay big bucks to watch just never got
kicked off the playground. Where millions of kids play little league
each spring, they are filtered out until there are about 50 guys who go
to the World Series in October.
Behind the first veil: There are over six billion people on the planet.
Most of them live and die without having seriously contemplated anything
other than what it takes to keep their lives together. Ninety percent of
all humanity will live and die without having pierced the first veil.
The first veil: Ten percent of us will pierce the first veil and find
the world of politics. We will vote, be active and have an opinion. Our
opinions are shaped by the physical world around us; we have a tendency
to accept that government officials, network media personalities and
other "experts" are voices of authority. Ninety percent of the people in
this group will live and die without having pierced the second veil.
The second veil: Ten percent of us will pierce the second veil to
explore the world of history, the relationship between man and
government and the meaning of self-government through constitutional and
common law. Ninety percent of the people in this group will live and die
without having pierced the third veil.
The third veil: Ten percent of us will pierce the third veil to find
that the resources of the world, including people, are controlled by
extremely wealthy and powerful families whose incorporated old world
assets have, with modern extortion strategies, become the foundation
upon which the world's economy is currently indebted. Ninety percent of
the people in this group will live and die without having pierced the
fourth veil.
The fourth veil: Ten percent of us will pierce the fourth veil to
discover the Illuminati, Freemasonry and the other secret societies.
These societies use symbols and perform ceremonies that perpetuate the
generational transfers of arcane knowledge that is used to keep the
ordinary people in political, economic and spiritual bondage to the
oldest bloodlines on earth. Ninety percent of the people in this group
will live and die without having pierced the fifth veil.
The fifth veil: Ten percent of us will pierce the fifth veil to learn
that the secret societies are so far advanced technologically that time
travel and interstellar communications have no boundaries and
controlling the actions of people is what their members do as
offhandedly as we tell our children when they must go to bed. Ninety
percent of the people in this group will live and die without having
pierced the sixth veil.
The sixth veil: Ten percent of us will pierce the sixth veil where the
dragons and lizards and aliens we thought were the fictional monsters of
childhood literature are real and are the controlling forces behind the
secret societies. Ninety percent of the people in this group will live
and die without piercing the seventh veil.
The seventh veil: I do not know what is behind the seventh veil. I think
it is where your soul is evolved to the point you can exist on earth and
be the man Ghandi was, or the woman Peace Pilgrim was - people so
enlightened they brighten the world around them no matter what.
The eighth veil? Piercing the eighth veil probably reveals God and the
pure energy that is the life force in all living things - which are, I
think, one and the same.
If my math is accurate there are only about 60,000 people on the planet
who have pierced the sixth veil. The irony here is too incredible: Those
who are stuck behind veils one through five have little choice but to
view the people who have pierced the veils beyond them as insane. With
each veil pierced, exponentially shrinking numbers of increasingly
enlightened people are deemed insane by exponentially increasing masses
of decreasingly enlightened people.
Adding to the irony, the harder a "sixth or better veiler" tries to
explain what he is able to see to those who can't, the more insane he
appears to them.
Our enemy, the state
Behind the first two veils we find the great majority of people on the
planet. They are tools of the state: Second veilers are the gullible
voters whose ignorance justify the actions of politicians who send first
veilers off to die in foreign lands as cannon fodder -- their combined
stations in life are to believe that the self-serving machinations of
the power-elite are matters of national security worth dying for.
Third, fourth, fifth and sixth veilers are of increasing liability to
the state because of their decreasing ability to be used as tools to
consolidate power and wealth of the many into the hands of the
power-elite. It is common for these people to sacrifice more of their
relationships with friends and family, their professional careers and
personal freedom with each veil they pierce.
Albert Jay Nock (1870-1945), author of "Our Enemy, the State" (1935),
explained what happens to those who find the seventh and eighth veils:
"What was the best that the state could find to do with an actual
Socrates and an actual Jesus when it had them? Merely to poison one and
crucify the other, for no reason but that they were too intolerably
embarrassing to be allowed to live any longer."
Conclusions
And so now we know that it's not that our countrymen are so committed to
their lives that, "they don't want to see," the mechanisms of their
enslavement and exploitation. They simply "can't see" it as surely as I
cannot see what's on the other side of a closed curtain.
The purpose of this essay is threefold:
1. To help the handful of people in the latter veils to understand why
the masses have little choice but to interpret their clarity as insanity;
2. To help people behind the first two veils understand that living,
breathing and thinking are just the beginning and;
3. Show people that the greatest adventure of our life is behind the
next veil because that is just one less veil between ourselves and God.
theories in an attempt to explain why it is that most people cannot see
truth -- even when it smacks them in the face. Those of us who can see
"the conspiracy" have participated in countless conversations amongst
ourselves that address the frustration of most peoples' inability to
comprehend the extremely well-documented arguments which we use to
describe the process of our collective enslavement and exploitation. The
most common explanation to be arrived at is that most people just "don't
want to see" what is really going on.
Extremely evil men and women who make up the world's power-elite have
cleverly cultivated a virtual pasture so grass green that few people
seldom, if ever, bother to look up from where they are grazing long
enough to notice the brightly colored tags stapled to their ears.
The same people who cannot see their enslavement for the pasture grass
have a tendency to view as insane "conspiracy theorists" those of us who
can see the past the farm and into the parlor of his feudal lordship's
castle.
Finally, I understand why. It's not that those who don't see that their
freedom is vanishing under the leadership of the power-elite "don't want
to see it" -- they simply can't see what is happening to them because of
the unpierced veils that block their view.
All human endeavors are a filtration process. Sports is one of the best
examples. We play specific sports until we get kicked off the
playground. The pro athletes we pay big bucks to watch just never got
kicked off the playground. Where millions of kids play little league
each spring, they are filtered out until there are about 50 guys who go
to the World Series in October.
Behind the first veil: There are over six billion people on the planet.
Most of them live and die without having seriously contemplated anything
other than what it takes to keep their lives together. Ninety percent of
all humanity will live and die without having pierced the first veil.
The first veil: Ten percent of us will pierce the first veil and find
the world of politics. We will vote, be active and have an opinion. Our
opinions are shaped by the physical world around us; we have a tendency
to accept that government officials, network media personalities and
other "experts" are voices of authority. Ninety percent of the people in
this group will live and die without having pierced the second veil.
The second veil: Ten percent of us will pierce the second veil to
explore the world of history, the relationship between man and
government and the meaning of self-government through constitutional and
common law. Ninety percent of the people in this group will live and die
without having pierced the third veil.
The third veil: Ten percent of us will pierce the third veil to find
that the resources of the world, including people, are controlled by
extremely wealthy and powerful families whose incorporated old world
assets have, with modern extortion strategies, become the foundation
upon which the world's economy is currently indebted. Ninety percent of
the people in this group will live and die without having pierced the
fourth veil.
The fourth veil: Ten percent of us will pierce the fourth veil to
discover the Illuminati, Freemasonry and the other secret societies.
These societies use symbols and perform ceremonies that perpetuate the
generational transfers of arcane knowledge that is used to keep the
ordinary people in political, economic and spiritual bondage to the
oldest bloodlines on earth. Ninety percent of the people in this group
will live and die without having pierced the fifth veil.
The fifth veil: Ten percent of us will pierce the fifth veil to learn
that the secret societies are so far advanced technologically that time
travel and interstellar communications have no boundaries and
controlling the actions of people is what their members do as
offhandedly as we tell our children when they must go to bed. Ninety
percent of the people in this group will live and die without having
pierced the sixth veil.
The sixth veil: Ten percent of us will pierce the sixth veil where the
dragons and lizards and aliens we thought were the fictional monsters of
childhood literature are real and are the controlling forces behind the
secret societies. Ninety percent of the people in this group will live
and die without piercing the seventh veil.
The seventh veil: I do not know what is behind the seventh veil. I think
it is where your soul is evolved to the point you can exist on earth and
be the man Ghandi was, or the woman Peace Pilgrim was - people so
enlightened they brighten the world around them no matter what.
The eighth veil? Piercing the eighth veil probably reveals God and the
pure energy that is the life force in all living things - which are, I
think, one and the same.
If my math is accurate there are only about 60,000 people on the planet
who have pierced the sixth veil. The irony here is too incredible: Those
who are stuck behind veils one through five have little choice but to
view the people who have pierced the veils beyond them as insane. With
each veil pierced, exponentially shrinking numbers of increasingly
enlightened people are deemed insane by exponentially increasing masses
of decreasingly enlightened people.
Adding to the irony, the harder a "sixth or better veiler" tries to
explain what he is able to see to those who can't, the more insane he
appears to them.
Our enemy, the state
Behind the first two veils we find the great majority of people on the
planet. They are tools of the state: Second veilers are the gullible
voters whose ignorance justify the actions of politicians who send first
veilers off to die in foreign lands as cannon fodder -- their combined
stations in life are to believe that the self-serving machinations of
the power-elite are matters of national security worth dying for.
Third, fourth, fifth and sixth veilers are of increasing liability to
the state because of their decreasing ability to be used as tools to
consolidate power and wealth of the many into the hands of the
power-elite. It is common for these people to sacrifice more of their
relationships with friends and family, their professional careers and
personal freedom with each veil they pierce.
Albert Jay Nock (1870-1945), author of "Our Enemy, the State" (1935),
explained what happens to those who find the seventh and eighth veils:
"What was the best that the state could find to do with an actual
Socrates and an actual Jesus when it had them? Merely to poison one and
crucify the other, for no reason but that they were too intolerably
embarrassing to be allowed to live any longer."
Conclusions
And so now we know that it's not that our countrymen are so committed to
their lives that, "they don't want to see," the mechanisms of their
enslavement and exploitation. They simply "can't see" it as surely as I
cannot see what's on the other side of a closed curtain.
The purpose of this essay is threefold:
1. To help the handful of people in the latter veils to understand why
the masses have little choice but to interpret their clarity as insanity;
2. To help people behind the first two veils understand that living,
breathing and thinking are just the beginning and;
3. Show people that the greatest adventure of our life is behind the
next veil because that is just one less veil between ourselves and God.
June 01, 2005
circles
i am going around in circles. it's not because i stared at the fan for too long last night. well..maybe it is. but it stimulated a multitude of thoughts. not the fan, but Mary.
i looked at what's going on and i can't help thinkin that i am going around in circles. i'm doing the same things over and over again. i've been to the same places over and over again. and i can't help it.
it almost feels like i'm roaming around looking for the right door to push open. just randomly roaming 'till it has become a habit...a practice. a formality that i have learned to become so used to. old habits die hard. to an extent that it almost feels like an entrapment. a net that i can't seem to cut out of.
i just need to find the knife. need to cut. need to sever. need to break free.
i looked at what's going on and i can't help thinkin that i am going around in circles. i'm doing the same things over and over again. i've been to the same places over and over again. and i can't help it.
it almost feels like i'm roaming around looking for the right door to push open. just randomly roaming 'till it has become a habit...a practice. a formality that i have learned to become so used to. old habits die hard. to an extent that it almost feels like an entrapment. a net that i can't seem to cut out of.
i just need to find the knife. need to cut. need to sever. need to break free.
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