my weekend

Prologue

i took a drag.
i felt like i was in a drama scene.
the spotlight was scathing the skin on my face.
"Director, kill that light, will ya? It's burnin' my corneas!"
then i realised it was the sun.

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Chapter 1

a sage appeared. humble yet smug. clad in a brown hooded cloak. he stands at the rock and starts to describe something he probably has no idea about. maybe he does. but how to convince the weaklings, that's the nutcracker. he tries explaining bio-etherics the way a physics professor would explain Newton. attributes. characteristics. applications.

i'm looking at the whole fiasco from a different angle. partly interesting. partly amazing. from the start, efforts are made to penetrate the collective consciousness of the crowd. the key is to have a steady grip on their minds. you have your electrodes well-placed, you can make them believe anything.

this phenonmenon is not necessarily bad. but what is it used for? i can't believe i was once a part of this. oblivious and unknowing. i knew what i had to do. i just didn't know what for.

God loves us. whether we like it or not. whether we understand it or not. God loves us all the time. so why do we crave for God's love? why do we hunger for the need to belong? they can always show us how to belong. they use the best tool, personal experience, to convince the masses.

but how far is understanding involved? where do you draw the line between understand and faith? what is faith?

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Chapter 2

same sage appeared. his breath now reeks of tea and starch. he continues his lecture on bio-etherics. now i see the catch of a belief system. everything is revealed theoretically. the sage speaks of the Love as he would speak of how good his lunch tasted. his audience may grasp his ideas on an intellectual level. but until they experience it, they may never see.

"Salvation!" cries the sage.
what about it?
"Salvation is for everyone."
is it really?
even for those who do not subscribe to your school of thought?
the Hindu priest of 50 believes in none other. who has the balls to tell him otherwise? heads will roll, i tell you.

everybody has a destination. union with God. we must keep focused on our destination. more theories. more strain on the cognitive load of the crowd. they listen agape. they lap up his words like hungry hounds back from a hunt. what are we hunting? or are we the hunted?

i believe Christ is/was an example. his purpose was to be a living example to show us all we can be. forget what he did and said. focus rather on his spirit. you will find the same essence in Siddartha, Muhammed, Guru Nanak. we focused too much on what they did/said. we should rather focus on what made them who they were. they all had the same Source. they were all made of the same stuff.

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Chapter 3
a white-haired priest from the East took the rock and started describing "new abundant life". he makes a general statement of how little of life that we are really living. school, church, work. is that all that we are living for? how can one decide how much of Life someone else is living? the best way to live your Life may be a total disaster for another.

i still sense strong closed-mindedness. and still lots of theories. i wonder what his reaction would be if someone asked him about reincarnation or the Divine Feminine.

new life happens all the time. everytime a child opens her eyes and realises Who She Really Is, she is born again. everytime a body dies, the soul vibrates at a new higher level and enters life in a new body, new life is born.

why do Christians tend to take certain things so literally? 6 out of 10 cannot give you a straight answer why the bible "disregards" the possibility of reincarnation. what, then, of New Life?

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Chapter 4
inner healing/healing of our memories. its purpose is to let the Spirit touch you so that inner wounds and hurts may be healed. there are many hurts and wounds that have been accumulated since young. these are the result of incidences that have caused us to hold on to grudges and hurtful memories. receiving inner healing is to let go of such hurts and to allow God to initiate the healing process.

during healing, devotees sometimes "rest in the Spirit". but the Spirit touches everyone differently and each's own experience is unique. could this be a psychological effect? after hours of drilling such ideas into these minds, they are not just open, but also vulnerable. i repeat. at this point, the mind is at a state where it is "open" and vulnerable.

why is it emphasised so much that we are sinners? shun away from God's graces. not able to enter the Kingdom unless you repent.

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i did not manage to finish the remaining chapters because the experience was delibrately cut short. but i would like to have a personal word with that sage, though.

the next cycle

i have just entered the next new cycle. 22 years has indeed been a journey. colourful, fascinating, disturbing, joyful, unpredictable, incomparable, out-of-this-world. those are a few of the adjectives i'd use to describe what it has been. needless to say, it has been one great ride. a long long road. bumpy. slopes. ruts. and the inevitable tulips amidst green hedges.

looking back. many events mark my timeline. some of them bring back smiles while some i'd rather forget. i have done some good things. i have done things which i am not proud of.

there are individuals whom i have loved, offended, hurt (emotionally and physically), abandoned, shared my life with, missed. i'm also aware that there many who would die for the chance to put a bullet in my head.

in the past, i have spent too much of time thinking that i'm right. looking back. i have wronged so many. i have taken from the innocent. i have been the cause of many a tear. i almost hate the person i was. i have a right to. and i perfectly understand when i am hated.

for these and many more reasons, i can be sure that eternal damnation is my only destination. unavoidable. the hand no longer strokes. it now grips a dagger.

happy birthday, rainchild. may the good lord bless you. or not.

look ma, it's my clone!

jo, shaman and i were having an avid discussion on human cloning, its possibilities and its implications. all three of us were from different points of view; whether it was alright, what would it be used for and, of course, whether God is okay with it or not.

now say you were cloned and your clone grows up to be a perfectly healthy human being. he/she sees life just as you see it. emotions, dreams, hopes, tears. all-human.

do you think your clone would have a Soul?

Soul = God-given spirit.

we decided that the only surefire way to determine if God is okay with cloning is to see if clones have Souls. if they do, then God is okay. if they don't, then somebody's gonna get hurt real bad!

like light to the flies

behold our beloved revels
in tragedy
self-denying abhorence for bloodshed
behold hypocrite

those who run will be burned

devoutly wished for blinded eyes
this tragedy's like light to the flies
this seems to suit you better
bleeding out the eyes
hope's left in chain suspension
holding onto lies, to make the truth

- Trivium "Like Light To The Flies"

my vanilla dream

i was at a stadium. i was standing in a corner, watching it all unfold.
it felt like a parade.
there were mascots of all sorts. huge and colourful. all smiles.
i saw a big white bird with a red beak.
the Four Horsemen took the stage.
they launched into song while James fumbled with his f-hole electro acoustic.
James sang standing beside the drums while Lars thundered away.
i saw Kirk on the drums next.
then he looked at me and shrugged.
i was swimming in a music video.

and the song that was playing? MachineHead's "Silver".

identity theft

by Alan Cohen

Identity theft is a very hot topic these days. Nasty hackers are stealing other folks' credit card numbers and posing as the owners to illicitly buy goods. Quite uncool.

There is an even more dangerous form of identity theft that you are already a victim of, one which runs far deeper than your credit card. You have been taught to believe that you are someone other than you are. I know this is sobering, since you think you are someone. But you are not who you have been told you are. You are someone better.

Grand theft identity begins soon after you arrive on earth, and intensifies with age. A participant in one of my seminars paid an unexpected visit to her son's religious school and found him sitting in a hallway garbage can. "What are you doing here?" she asked him. "I talked out in class and the teacher made me sit here as a punishment," the child answered. With that, the mother removed her son from the trash and the school. The school was guilty of identity theft.

A 21-year-old fellow at another seminar had been diagnosed with cancer at age 17. One day when Charles was scheduled for chemotherapy he learned there was a Grateful Dead concert in his town that night, and he decided that the concert would be more fun to attend. Charles' parents and doctor pleaded with him not to go to the concert, but he went. That night he started to feel better, and within a few months his cancer disappeared. Charles reclaimed his identity as a healthy kid. 

During last year's summer Olympics, U.S. gymnast Paul Hamm was favored to win the men's all-around, a series of five events. During the vault competition, Hamm slipped on his dismount and fell onto the judges' table. He was penalized severely and instantly dropped from 1st to 13th place. The television announcer grimly noted, "Paul Hamm will remember this error for the rest of his life."

With two events left in the competition, U.S. observers hoped he could miraculously work his way back to a bronze medal. Then, in the rings event, Hamm turned in a stellar performance. To everyone's amazement, Hamm emerged with the gold medal by a margin of 13/1000th of a point - the slimmest margin in Olympic history.

When the TV commentator noted that Hamm would remember his error for a lifetime, he attempted to perform on-the-air identity theft. Yet Hamm did not let the announcer steal his identity as a champion. Indeed he will always remember that night - not for his disgrace, but his triumph.

Take care that no one robs your identity as a whole, innocent, powerful, brilliant, creative being. Take special care not to speak of yourself as a loser, or do desperate things. The world can't afford another hacker.

faith

i had a conversation with Wise last night. it was refreshing to talk to him after so long. reminded me of my purpose. there was something about his tone and warmth that is always reassuring. no matter how trippy my rollercoaster ride was, i could always count on him to tell me that it's alright.

we concluded that faith is indeed a tricky thing. i mean, it is difficult to have faith in what is "real". that's just it. what is real? sometimes i have trouble determining whether what i think/feel/see is real. but that is just on the surface. and these deductions go deep. they play a vital part in our interaction with objects in our reality. not knowing what is real could very well be my biggest nightmare ever. screw spiders, clowns, fiery pits, demons or even the end of the world. tell me what is real, and i'm the happy puppy.

i admire those whose faith is as strong as anything. they can never be uprooted. that's not because they are stubborn or closed. it's probably because their faith comes with an immense dose of trust. i've had the privilege of meeting such people. they have no idea where their next meal is coming from. but they trust that the agenda of the day has already been taken care of.

then Wise asked me, "are we even supposed to worry about these things?"

look within.
ask yourself what it is you're looking for.
and if you're patient enough, the answer will find you.

can i say hello again?

the first light of the morning greets thee with splendour
the light, soft wetness of the mist touches your cheeks
and as you breathe in the cool air of the morn
i close my eyes and silently weep inside

your smile in itself sends waves through my soul
as i watch the flames flicker in your eyes
i'm reminded of the sun and all its glory
i clench my fist and wish i'm taken away

the energy you emit used to electrify my circuits
now it just fills me up and makes me long for more
sometimes i wish i had never met you
can i say hello again?

the gal on the floor

gal on the floor
what're you looking for?
a metaphor?
a latino whore?
or should that be an albino bore?
well, whatever it is you're looking for
you'll still be the gal on the floor

erm...this my experimental attempt at Spontaneous Poetry Under the Influence (SPUI), pronounced "spooyeee". and my first guinea pig was Stephenie Dawn Gregory. she's not imaginary, i swear. anyway, she gave me the thumbs up. so, Steph...this is to you. :)
danke shon!

more chain letters, anyone?

if i had a dollar for every chain letter that was
ever created, started and survived till now, i
could buy a Mercedes SLK.

if i had a dollar for every chain letter dripping
with obvious stupidity, i could buy a speedboat.

if i had a dollar for every person who passes on
chain letters, i could buy Bill Gates.